Saturday, December 26, 2009

Women's Fashion Causing Widespread Pnuemonia

The Department Homeland Security is investigating the spread of pneumonia among women. Preliminary investigations are showing a possible link to a high level conspiracy inside the fashion industry. Executives at the highest levels of the fashion industry are not commenting at this time.
The CDC(Center for Communicable Disease) came out with a public statement last week reporting a dramatic 400 per cent rise in respiratory illness and death in women both in the United States, Canada, and Europe. Preliminary investigations show a premeditated plan by the fashion industry to withhold adequate cold weather clothing from getting to store shelves.

Investigation's have also begun looking into large outlets- Walmart, The Gap, Old Navy, Eddie Bauer and others to determine possible collusion with the fashion industry to keep women"s warm weather clothing off the shelves. Eddie Bauer's top CEO, Billy Bauer stated in a recent New York Times interview that "we sell some of the warmest winter clothing for women
available to us" inferring no connection to the conspiracy to kill women who face the cold.
27 year old Jennifer Yoblanski, a resident of Hoboken, New Jersey, stated "My mother tells me stories of her years of growing up where she and her eight siblings all had "Parkas" that kept them warm.In the early 1970's, K-Mart sold this women's Charlie's Angels Action Parka for $69.95. This Action Parka was accessible to the general public, a bit expensive for the time, but purchaseable.

2009 only offered limited sale at exclusive stores in larger cities of the Angelena Jolie Tibetin Parka's for $300. This Parka only saw limited sale because of it's resemblance to a bullet proof jacket. Angelena Jolie was named one of the 10 Worst Dressers of 2009 by People magazine.







































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